Posts filed under Poetry

What's in a name?

When I was younger, I hated my last name. Not in Korean, mind you. It flowed and made sense when spoken in the context of its home language. But in the mouths of non-Koreans, in particular those who had not a clue about how to pronounce Asian names in general (“it’s just so confusing!”), the name felt clunky. An intrusion. An interruption. An inconvenience. Or even worse, when it flowed too easily, it felt like an onomatopoeia. The kind people will use to disparage Asian names. Saying “My name is Min Kahng” felt like a punchline to a racist joke.

How to explain the pronunciation of 강? How to explain to non-linguists that that K is more like a G, but aspirated? That the “ah” is actually brighter than you think?

But it’s ok. I don’t need you to pronounce it 강. Kahng is an acceptable approximation. In English, it will *always* be mispronounced. My own attempts are colored by my American accent anyway.

I don’t even care if you get it wrong (once or twice) and make it rhyme with “hang.” Or if it’s misspelled (I get it. You’re used to seeing “Khan,” cuz... Genghis...? Star Trek, I guess? So that H gets tossed about. Sometimes even ending up on the tail of my first name. The most egregious spelling I’ve gotten? “Kahagn”). As long as you’re open to me correcting you, and I promise I’ll try to do so gracefully (for the first couple of times at least...), we’re good.

But give it an eye roll? Nuh-uh...
Talk about it like it’s ruining your day? No thank you.
Make it about you and turn my last name into an excuse to talk through all your insecurities around public speaking or name recollection? I’m a busy man, can I have my name back, please...?

강 is a river.
강 is strong.
강 is as complicated as my relationship with the man from whom I inherited it.
강 holds a history of dynasties and kingdoms that Kahng could never hold.

But Kahng has its own history too. A history of reclaiming something. Of finding confidence. Kahng is what I’ve got. In its imperfectly anglicized form.
Kahng rhymes with “song.”
Kahng is a needle. It slices into your comfortable tongue and causes you mild discomfort.
Kahng is a crowbar, wedging open space for itself to belong.

I wish I could give you a Pinterest quote about how proud I am now of Kahng. My levels of pride, love, frustration fluctuate every day. But at the very least, I no longer hate my last name. And I’ll be damned if I let you make me feel ashamed about it.

And this isn’t just about my name. But my name’s siblings and cousins and third cousins twice removed, distant relatives from other continents. Give any, any of them ‘tude, and you will see just how strong a river this 강 can be.

Posted on February 19, 2020 by Min Kahng and filed under Thought, Story, Writing, Poetry and tagged name asian korean korean name self-love.

Here's the thing about a template...

When you fit perfectly snug in a template, you don’t question it. You marvel at how amazingly appropriate and perfect it is for you. And you believe everyone would benefit from this template.

But when you don’t fit - or no longer fit. Even after you’ve stretched and warped yourself into so many shapes to keep trying to fit. And you’ve questioned your value if you can’t ever fit...

Eventually, if you’re one of the lucky ones, you start to wonder - maybe the template is the problem. Maybe it is the *template* that doesn’t fit *you.*

And then when you’re finally out of the template - in spite of those snug-as-a-bug Templaters who coax, plead, shout that you should get back in! get back in! When you’re finally out...

You realize how many templates there actually are. And you marvel at how amazingly illuminating this realization is. Even moreso the possibility that you might not need a template at all - or that you can learn from the existing templates to forge your own.

And you start to believe everyone would benefit from this awareness of the multiplicity of templates, and see the folly of asking all people to fit into just one.

Posted on October 3, 2019 by Min Kahng and filed under Creative, Diversity, Poetry, Thought, Writing and tagged template poetry individuality imagination pluralism.

navigation

I'm sorry it took me so long to get here
The map was outdated
I followed a wrong right turn
I'm so sorry

The map promised me a destination
but always seemed to shepherd me in the opposite direction
It told me I didn't have enough power for the 
journey without its compass
It gave me a windbreaker that was too tight,
causing me to choke
and hiking shorts that kept falling off,
causing me to trip
They must've belonged to someone else

I must've belonged to someone else
But I'm here now I'm here sh it's ok
I promise you
I am still arriving

— written on a plane-ride home

Posted on June 14, 2019 by Min Kahng and filed under Creative, Poetry, Thought, Writing and tagged poetry Inspiration spirituality.

Cathedralprison

When you've lived
in a cathedralprison
and you stand on a pew
to chuck an offering plate
through a stained-glass window
to bore an escape for yourself
and walk through

At first,
the lights are offensive
the sounds oppressive
a sensory overload
causes you to rethink your exit

But give it time:
your eyes and ears will adjust
and you'll remark
"Oh, there is kindness out here, too."

Posted on November 5, 2018 by Min Kahng and filed under Poetry, Writing, Thought, Creative and tagged poetry.