Don't Take Your Story Too Seriously

While working on getting my certification as a creativity coach, I’ve been reading The Art of Possibility by Rosamund Stone Zander & Benjamin Zander. In a chapter based around the idea of not taking yourself too seriously, an anecdote is shared that had this sentence: “She stopped taking herself and her story so seriously…” The inclusion of “story” stood out to me. I have heard many times not to take myself too seriously. But reading about not taking one’s story too seriously hit me in a more nuanced way.

First off, this is not to say that you should dismiss your story, whether it be your life story or the stories inside you bursting to be expressed. What I took from this phrase has more to do with the stories we tell ourselves that stop us from taking risks, going on adventures, chasing after the things we desire. Stories like “I’m too old,” or “I don’t have enough training,” or “I’m just not like that,” or “I’ve been too hurt by my past.” Each of these stories might hold truth, and there is something to accepting some of these realities. But each of these truths can then be weaponized against ourselves and our dreams. We can start to limit ourselves, turn down offers, delay getting started, because of the story we tell ourselves about any given situation.

But what if we realized that these stories are just that? Stories. And specifically, stories that we are telling ourselves. What if there was a different way to narrate that story? What if there is more to the story? “I’m too old” can become “I have experience that is an advantage over younger folks.” “I don’t have enough training” can become “I’m going to sign up for a class today!” “I’m just not like that” can become “My identity is plastic, so maybe there’s room for me to change here.” “I’ve been too hurt by my past” can become “And I can take a first step to healing, however small.”

Moving forward, I want to be mindful not just of the times when I’m taking myself too seriously, but also when I’m giving more credence to the stories I tell myself than they are due. Questioning my own stories could be the key I need to break free from stagnation and actually dare to push myself towards my desires and dream life.

To Be Seen

This weekend, I learned that I am a 2019 Jonathan Larson Grant Finalist. I was among the 25 to make it to the final round of consideration out of an applicant pool of almost 300. So, even though I didn’t actually win the award, learning that I am a Finalist is its own boost of confidence. Because it means that I was seen.

It’s nice to just feel seen!

I’ve been applying on and off for this particular grant for about 10 years now. I think in years prior, I applied with a sort of “please notice me” mentality - meek, somewhat apologetic, and really hoping the grant could be something that makes me. But last year, while applying for 2019, I felt different. There was a shift in me. I was no longer applying from a place of lowness, desperately hoping for a launch into the heavens. I was more sure of myself. I knew what I had to offer, and that it was worthwhile for the panelists to consider. And I believe that level of knowing myself helped me write a strong enough application to become a Finalist. I was seen, because I actually believed I was worthy to be seen.

Now, I don’t want to set up a “prosperity gospel” of “If you simply believe it, it will happen!” Over these 10 years, I’ve also worked hard, written lots, made connections, gained skills and momentum. But I am saying that while you’re doing the hard work, if you aren’t fully believing that you’re worthy of it all (and that’s to be read differently than “entitled to it all”), it will bleed out into how you go about seemingly mundane things like grant applications.

Where did my self-assurance come from? Honestly - time. It has taken time to develop and discover both my writing and my identity. To go from apologetically inserting myself into the musical theatre field to proudly claiming my own space within it. Of course, self-doubt persists. It has not been eradicated. But, I’ve learned some life skills to help me sort through those negative feelings and hold myself with kindness. I’m already thinking of how I might update my application for next year. Even if I’m never awarded this particular grant though, I know I’ll be able to carve my own path - the path I need - to be happy.